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There is a lot of distraction from making authentic and conscious choices. Social media, social events, work and everything else that is part of the perpetual grind for more material things you don't need, to impress people you don't really care about that is called the 'rat race'.

Beneath that material stuff, there are deeper layers that keep you from making authentic choices. And paradoxically, resisting them only makes them influence you more.

The rubber band that you keep pulling tight

From the moment you were born, the people around you (family, school, society) have cared for you and with that, they left with you parts of their opinions and ways of going through life.

The way you 'should' eat, the way you 'should' have a relationship and the kind of job you 'should' have, etcetera. Everything that you have an opinion on or assumption about, may still contain 'left-overs' from any of these people or groups.

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Let's look at two 'systems' that have influenced you over time:

• Your family, most importantly parents and other primary care takers
• Society as a whole, both right now and back 'then' when you were younger

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I like to visualize these being tied to me by a rubber band, that cannot be cut loose, because, in some way, you'll always be connected to your family and to society.

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The harder you pull, the more you get held back

When we are trying to make a change for ourselves, we tend to (un)consciously resist the influence of these two systems. "I'm going to do it my own way now". It's like trying to run away from them, only to be pulled back by them eventually, since the rubber band is still tied to us.

It is actually acknowledging the existence and the power of the influence of your family's and society's influence, that starts a real change.

Growing towards making more authentic choices, means relaxing a bit and inspecting your past without wanting to resist or change it. This way we can become aware of what it really is we want.

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Ok, so now what?

Pick one 'theme' or topic that you are either interested in, or that is an area of life you want to see different results in for yourself. Perhaps take <money> as an example, but you can do this with any other topic if you want.

Then, give these 3 inquiries a go:

1. What is your current view, way of doing and experience regarding <money>?
2. What role did/does <money> play in your family? Which things were said about <money> around the house that you can remember?
3. What was the general opinion about <money>, at school, at sport clubs, etc. when you were younger? Was it something that was praised, or was it something made the world a bad place ("money is the root of all evil")? Has this general opinion changed over time?

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To come full circle, now ask yourself this:

• What do the three different viewpoints have in common on the chosen topics? Where do they differ?
• What insights does this all give you regarding the topic of <money>?

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Having done this, now let it sink in for a few days, and see what happens..

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