This is what my life looked like a while back, when I was in university:
Study a bit or work a side job during the day, go home, eat with housemates, watch TV or play a video game and go to bed, probably with a little buzz from the few beers I drank in that evening.
Getting out of bed in the mornings was hard and I didn't have a consistent routine.
Although there is enough from that time to look back on with a smile, things were not working out for me in general. I had gradually been disconnecting from the subject I was studying (physics; fluid dynamics) and my self-care wasn't the best; evenings and weekends were used to evade responsibilities, which I did by playing video games or drinking with friends.
In hindsight, I was living without a clear purpose. I knew I wanted to change something and feel better, but I told myself some smart lies that kept me passive. Lies that kept me in that same loop of feeling empty. Luckily I got a wake-up call, which changed everything.
The Circle of Modern Life
Generalized and exaggerated, this is what life looks like for a lot of people nowadays:
Wake up, go to the office, do useless work, have lunch with people that we have a very shallow connection with, work some more.
After work, go home, maybe stand in traffic or packed public transport for a while, arrive home totally drained by the mind-numbing work and below-average social interactions.
Eat something, collapse on the couch with a snack or a drink, to watch a series or play a video game.
Eventually go to bed and consume some more blue light from a screen.
Trying to fall asleep while realizing that another day has passed without having lived purposefully.
Work, consume, sleep, repeat
The lies we tell ourselves
So what keeps us cycling through mediocrity?
It are the lies we tell ourselves.
We keep thinking and making lists of everything we would want to do with our lives; learn to play an instrument, draw or paint more, get in shape, feel less tired, pick up meditation, connect with friends and family more, etc.. We don't get to do them, because we comfort ourselves by telling ourselves lies and thinking ourselves out of it.
The biggest lie I told myself back then was
"I'm only good enough if I get a degree from university".
So I kept going, but it wasn't working. A year into my graduation project, my supervising professor told me that I was about half-way. I completed about half of a project in a year, that normally would take 9 to 10 months to complete fully. This was my wake-up call and that is when I started to look into both my routine and the underlying beliefs I had about myself. About a year later, I finished university.
"I am too tired", "I don't have time", "It's too expensive", "This is just what is is", I can't, other people rely on me", "Success, isn't for me", "This is what is expected of me" and so on.
These are just few of the smaller and bigger lies we tell ourselves and that keep us inside the loop.
What lies are you telling yourself?
Small adjustment for lasting change
So, why even bother getting out of this rut, this loop of just-OK-enough ?
"Life is good enough as it is", right?
If you are happy with your current experience of life, that's great!
Look around though, look at yourself, your friends, family and colleagues. How many of them are really passionate about what they do (work, hobbies, social events) and how 'healthy' are they (healthy is somewhat subjective, but you get the idea). Are you?
If you recognize some of what I've described, here are some steps you could take. The core idea here is to experiment, collect data and adjust where needed. Taking small steps for sustainable change.
You could start here and now:
1. Draw out your weekly routine as it is now, including all the 'time wasters'
so also include your phone time on the couch, videogaming, etc
2. What do you see? How close is this to what you would call an ideal week?
there is probably one thing that catches your attention immediately
3. Take one thing that you would want to change.
Keep it small, could be as small as "read for 30 minutes before bed"
4. Have the intention to experiment with this for one week
writing down "this week I will read for 30 minutes in bed everyday" might help
5. Keep (digital) notes about what you encounter during the week.
excuses, lies, pushback from people around you, write it all down
6. Evaluate in 7 days
use your notes to see how it worked out for you and to determine the next step
Now the point here is not to get a perfect streak (but if you manage that, fantastic!). The most important thing is to get started and to experiment while collecting data. Only this way you can learn and change.
Good luck!
